Moments
by cscaskettolicitygoodness
Summary: What happens when tragedy hits close to home. Does she lose hope? But she knows everything is going to be ok, doesn't she? Inspired by the ONE DIRECTION song - MOMENTS.
1. Chapter 1  Moments

_**Moments**_

**_12:00 AM_**

**_9th January_**

_Shut the door, turn the light off_

_I wanna be with you_

_I wanna feel your love_

_I wanna lay beside you _

_I cannot hide this even though I try_

* * *

><p>She wouldn't believe it. He was gone. After so much they'd been through. The one thing they had, was now torn apart, lost in the black dark void. She couldn't take the pain anymore. Her partner, friend, husband and the love of her life was taken away from her, all because of the damn case. She was trembling from head to toe. Her friends were trying to take her away from his body, lying cold and bloody on the floor. The conspirator behind her mother's murder had been caught. But why then did it feel like the world had just ended? Katherine Beckett (Castle) was clueless. She thought this was all a trick and that he's appear out of the ambulance fully recovered, she hoped, but the ambulance doors were empty. Lanie was trying to talk to her but she wouldn't listen.<p>

_Heart beats harder_

_Time escapes me_

_trembling hands touch skin_

_it makes this harder  
><em>

_and the tears stream down my face_

* * *

><p>Lanie was trying to get her settled; she was sobbing too, but was trying hard to hide it. She had to be strong for Kate. Kate didn't realise until then that her cheeks felt moist, and that she'd been crying. She still remembered the last words he said to her –"Next time, I'll listen to you and stay in the car KB, Niall is just like me though, you might wanna be careful with that one, but I think Alex is smarter than him, don't tell them I said so." And he laughed after that. Not one bit scared that his life was going to be taken away. And that last laugh was etched on his face.<p>

_If we could only have this life for one more day  
><em>

_If we could only turn back time_

* * *

><p>Now Kate was sobbing uncontrollably, Ryan and Lanie had gone to her place to inform Alexis, Martha and Niall and Alexandria. The twins would be too young to understand. But Alexis, Kate felt ashamed of the promise she had made her eldest daughter that she'd keep her dad safe. Kate felt so much anger in her, Castle could have told her about his connection to the person behind her mother's murder, but he had to keep it to himself. He'd been doing it for two years now. But he was trying to protect her. She didn't buy the defense.<p>

_You know I'll be  
><em>

_your life, your voice your reason to be  
><em>

_my love, my heart  
><em>

_Is breathing for this  
><em>

_Moment in time  
><em>

_I'll find the words to say  
><em>

_Before you leave me today_

* * *

><p>She'd been kneeling there for god knows how long. Esposito came and hugged her. She didn't push him off. He told her that they needed to get her changed. She had blood covered on her. His blood. She silently nodded and moved towards her car. Espo offered to drop her. She nodded; she had no energy in her to even think. Her breathing became heavier as home came closer. It had started to pour when they reached her place. She couldn't go in there. She had to face all those people, Martha and her kids. Suddenly her legs were frozen in one spot. She looked at Esposito and shook her head telling him she couldn't do it. He nodded understandingly but still motioned her towards the door; telling her he'll be there. The walk to the door seemed too long for her liking. She remembered those moments, when he'd carried her through the same corridor on the night they'd started dating, and another time when Niall and Alex were going to be born, he's swooped her bridal style and carried her through these corridors to the car and then the hospital. She remembered those moments when he confessed his love for the second time, when she was ready to run away again. She also remembered the moment when the thief was going to enter by stabbing her, he came and punched him one on the face and the poor guy blacked out. The thief now is their day doorman. Rick was such a kind hearted person, a loving father and a husband. She choked down a sob, and opened the door.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Close the door<em>

_Throw the key_

_Don't wanna be reminded_

_Don't wanna be seen_

_Don't wanna be without you_

_My judgement is clouded_

_Like tonight's sky._

* * *

><p>The atmosphere was alien to her. She felt her wobbly feet walk towards her eldest daughter. She looks at clouded blue eyes and says –"I'm sorry I couldn't fulfil my promise. Hate me if you want to."Alexis replied –"Families don't hate each other, Mom." Kate's heart melted hearing that one word from her eldest daughter, and then Alexis hugged Kate and both, the red head and the brunette were sobbing in each other's arms. Alex and Niall come and hug them too, waiting for their father who would never turn up.<p>

Lanie tells Kate to go and change while she took care of things here. Kate protests and tells her that even she had two kids waiting for her. Lanie reassures her by telling her that Jenny was with her and Lanie's kids while Ryan and Esposito took care of the paperwork and other matters. Kate nods and heads to hers and his bedroom.

_Hands are silent  
>Voice is numb<br>Try to scream out my lungs  
>But it makes this harder<br>And the tears stream down my face_.

She goes through all of his belongings and stumbles upon a locker behind those Armani suits. She takes a guess and types a number which turns out to be right. It's her badge number. She smiles slightly for this. Lots of files and papers were inside the locker and so was his unpublished script, a kids adventure story called _–"The adventures of the Rook brothers." _ She mentally noted that she'd give that to Paula and tell her that it was his final book for the world.

_If we could only have this life for one more day_

_If we could only turn back time_

_You know I'll be_

_Your life, your voice your reason to be_

_My love, my heart_

_Is breathing for this_

_Moment in time_

_I'll find the words to say_

_Before you leave me today_

She finds an envelope addressed in her name.

_**To Kate**_

_**The answers you seek will be found when all hope's lost.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Alexander Rogers.**_

_**(I used this name because only my other half for "always" has the right to know this.)**_

* * *

><p><em>Flashes left in my mind<em>

_Going back to the time_

_Playing games in the street_

_Kicking balls with my feet_

_Dancing on with my toes_

_Standing close to the edge_

_There's a pile of my clothes_

_At the end of your bed_

_As I feel myself fall_

_Make a joke of it all_

* * *

><p>She sighs and decides to read the letter. Wondering what possibly could be there. And then it clicks; her "hope" was him. She quickly opens the letter and begins reading.<p>

_**A\N: I wrote this listening to One direction's – Moments. It's a very touching song. And i thought I HAD to write it so here it is. Please review and let me know how it was. The second chapter is the letter. I hope you enjoyed it.**__  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2 I'll Always Love You

_**I'll Always Be Yours.**_

_**Home**_

_**8**__**th**__** January -2015**_

_**12:42 AM**_

_**Dear Kate,**_

_I know you'll be the one finding this and not Alexis or anybody else, so I'm telling you why I'm writing this. If you're reading this then it means I'm probably dead…..I found out a few days ago, my relation to the dragon. He's my father… yes Kate my mother recognized him in one of the files you'd gotten home during one of your cases. I did some research on him and quickly got to know that he was involved in many scams. He was one of the biggest drug lords of the United States back in the time when you and I weren't even born. He used to love dramas and theatricals and that's how he fell in love with the famous Martha Rogers. They were dating for three years. He told her that he was just another theatre loving person and that he didn't have a job. But he lied to her. And when mother found out that he was a drug lord she wasn't that happy or angry, she was hurt that he'd lied to her and told her that he didn't have a job yet. She said she loved him but needed some time to herself and left NY. Mother settled in Canada, when she found out that she was going to have a baby. I was born without knowing my heritage, that one side of my family was drug lords for generations and counting. After so many years once I found out, I was shattered Kate, I couldn't even think straight. And that's one reason I stopped writing Nikki Heat and started a new novel. You didn't press the topic and I was glad, or else you wouldn't be reading this letter, you'd have already known. After finding out, I went to contact him, hoping he still remembered my mother. And very surprisingly he did, he called me home for dinner and you might remember one night when I came all confused and shattered. I'd told you I'd gone for some "commitment", well the meeting\dinner was good but he knew who I was. Not Rick Castle, but Alexander Rogers. He told me that my mother loved that name and so she named me after my own father. He also told me it was time for me to stop trying to solve the murder cases that were close to my heart. I clicked then that he was hiding something. Just then a guy I'd seen during the Dick Coonan case came there and told him something in Russian. You would've understood better, but I picked up one word Kate, -"Beckett Johanna". He glared at the man and smiled at me. Told me he'll be back. I followed him and recorded everything with my phone and translated it later. I found out too much, and called Mr. Smith, the guy who was helping me solve and find answers to your mother's murder after Montgomery died. I found that your mother was doing the right thing and that my father's business was getting disrupted. So he killed all of them. He killed Captain Montgomery because Roy was going to tell everything to you the next day Kate. He killed so many people I knew. I went to his place to get the truth out and was not successful. He told me someone from the police had come to his place and was a spy and told me to be in touch with him. _

_The letter you read now is all I can tell you, as you know what happened after that. You found a break in the case because of the files that were on your desk. Now it's around three in the morning, 8__th__ January, in a few hours I'll be going and giving myself away as an NYPD spy, to protect you, but know this… you capture him and all the cases unsolved will be done with forever. No more families will be left without closure. _

_Kate, I know you'll understand why I did this. I feel so ashamed to even call him my own FATHER. But you must know Katie; I love you and will always love you. Alexandria and Niall and Alexis are my life, but you're everything to me Kate. Life is an understatement. You're everything._

_I'm so sorry and someday we'll meet and live the rest of eternity together, as a family. _

_Always_

_Richard Alexander Rogers._

_P.S. I know everything ;) _

Kate finished reading the letter, but hadn't noticed that she was crying all through the letter. The letter had dried tear drops old and new. She assumed he'd cried too while writing this. She noticed something inside the envelope, it was bulging out. She saw a ring and a few words were engraved on it. It said –"I'll be your life." She saw something else, a small paper neatly folded. She opened it and it said –"You know you can't always hide the fact from that you're going to have another baby right? There's a small gift for the little one inside, I hope you give it to him or her once she or he is born and tell it how sorry I was, it's alright if the baby hates me." She peeped inside the envelope once more and gasped, she found a silver locket sitting there. But the locket didn't surprise her, the ring on it did. It was Rick's wedding ring. Kate finally broke down. Sobs were echoing through her room and no one to comfort her. But she felt a warmth as if it were him. She could sense him and turned to see who it was. She was a red brunette smiling with her blue eyes. She said –"Don't cry Mommy I'll always be there for you and love you..." Then Kate knew that things would be fine some day.

_You know I'll be  
>Your life, your voice your reason to be<br>My love, my heart  
>Is breathing for this<br>Moment in time  
>I'll find the words to say<br>Before you leave me today_


End file.
